Hark, all ye shirefolk!
Thy IthacaMasters have decreed a number of...uh, decrees for you to
hear. Therefore, in no particular order, I present to you the latest
Announcments of the Shire:
Message
the First: as you can see above, HappyErik Anderson seems to be
enjoying himself quite a bit this summer after graduating and becoming
a Master. Why is he having such a good time? What is making
him raise the roof? And how is he getting to know his Quaker cousins,
the Amish? Click on the above picture, and your questions will be
answered.
Message
the Second:
Our resident court jester, the GiMp, is preparing herself for her
first national tour. She is preparing to hit the road in only a matter
of weeks, and so, we request the residents of the Shire to gather
together this coming Sunday, August of the 25th's to wish her godspeed.
For details and other things, go to the EVENTS
page, under 'Gimp-A-Thon'.
and
lastly...
Message
the Second:
Good Sir Pesch has passed on some information that most should know
about. Everyone's favorite Site Administrator is officially off the
market -- Jedi Adam and the Lovely Miss Jennette got engaged on Aug
18th. Yet another satisfied Ithaca Union! Huzzah!
Don't
forget to keep peeping over at the Mafia
Events (which have been busy as of late) for all the shindigs
happening in your neck of the woods. So, until next time, this is
your friendly neighborhood carrier pigeon, signing off.
Sports put-downs.
I am used to them. I am used to the 4-time shame of the Bills. The
end of season quashing of hope from the Red Sox. The 10-year slump
of the Celts. Dallas' foot in the crease of the Sabres title. Matty
knows of what I speak. Our families know of what I speak. I hear it
from Sperm. I hear it from Lars. I hear it from many of you bastards.
But today...Today,
I have taken it to a whole new level. For today, at 1:07pm...I was
put down by the starting third baseman for the New York Yankees.
Top THAT.
"You're
Red Sox aren't starting to look too good, are they?"
What could I say?
The man was right. The man was Robin Ventura. And he was standing
in our office.
"Nope. No,
they are not."
Corey laughed.
I shook my head and said something about how I'm pretty much used
to it by now. Robin Ventura, starting 3rd baseman for the New York
Yankees, said he didn't understand why the Sox didn't go out and get
a starting pitcher.
Again. The man
was right. I agreed with him. I expressed my disgust with the futility
of the Sox pitching. I laughed in futility. I said something about
football starting soon. Robin Ventura, the starting 3rd baseman for
the New York Yankees, laughed and might -- just might -- have
looked at me in with an ounce of pity in his eye.
Then it was over.
Reed almost burst the blood vessels in his face he was smiling so
big.
I sat down. I
had just recieved the ultimate sports put-down..
With the exception
of maybe 5 other professional baseball players out there, you bastards
can try and put me down all you like....but
you'll only be second best.
Just like me.
(for now.)
Sox for the Wild Card. Bills in 02'. Celts in 02'. Sabres on my Playstation.
Newcastle United in 03'. Yeungling in my belly.
The
Ithaca Mafia Fantasy Football Report (by
RockMcD,
8/14/02, 9:54pm)
Rock McDonald
here. Bringing you the first Ithaca Mafia Fantasy Football Report.
So the draft is
over. It was a LONG and hard fought battle, but things are now off
and running. How did it go? Well, I wouldn't be the best Jedi Beat
Reporter if I didn't give you my analysis.
Duck and Diesel
faired well, despite rigging it so they picked first and second, only
to realize that the 5 & 6 spots were the best to take. One may
wonder why DB took Antowain Smith over Priest Holmes, Ricky Williams
& Corey Dillon, but I’m told he has a plan. Hopefully, that
plan will include surgery on Michael Westbrook’s fractured wrist.
Speaking of the
# 5&6 slots, Gimp may be the first coach to ride the name game
to a fantasy victory. Inside sources tell me that she selected her
roster using the best available names. And with names like Cam, Amani,
Tiki, Torry, & Oronde it’s hard to argue with that strategy.
And Frants may have taken siesta in Round 8 to question the whole
‘backup thing’, but he showed a quick understanding of things
by selecting what should be 2003 Super Bowl MVP Kerry Collins.
First Impressions
China’s got the horses. Sperm’s got the hands. In a game
of RB’s & WR’s, China & Sperm seem to have the best
combos. But Irish is not far behind with his backs and Kluv’s
got some receivers himself. Its still anybody’s game.
No Place like
Home
Contrary to early draft opinion, there was a lot of hometown love
going on. Diesel choose his namesake Kurt Warner, Monkey opened with
a pair of Packers, China let the Duce loose, Frants grabbed Emmitt,
Irish opted for “Touchdown” Troy, Brady & the Pats D,
while Spermy “Shock”ed it up, and Deeb hopped on the A-train.
But no pick was
more “hometown” than Kluv’s selection of Drew Bledsoe
with his first overall choice. Banking the hopes of his fantasy team
on the hopes of his ‘real’ team may seem like a dangerous
choice to most, but not Kluv. Can you say, “Mo Lewis?”
The Winner
Is:
And the moment you’ve been waiting for…The Winners of the
‘Longest Break In Between Picks Award’.
3) The Mok
In Round 5, Mok hit the books, made some calls and came up with his
pick after 14 hours and 55 minutes.
2) Frants Fops
Frants took things a step further in Round 11. His ‘extensive
research’ took a whopping 17 hours and 11 minutes.
1) WCNEP
Hands down. No question. First the Super Bowl and now this. The winner
and reigning champion Jedi Irish. A man who cared so much about his
pick he got on a plane, flew down to training camp, talked with players,
scouts, coaches and doctors to select his third round choice. Coming
in at an amazing, eye popping 20 hours and 8 minutes. Read it and
weep.
Wrap Up
Overall it was a success. Strategies may be questioned, but only a
season of sixteen weeks will decide who the true winner will be. Good
luck to all.
And the waiver
wire has started to heat up. Duck dropped Trent "I'm out for
4 to 8" Dilfer, and picked up Shane "I hope I get the starting
job" Matthews. While China has passed on Peter Warrick, to lay
claim to Trent Green. And Diesel dumped half his squad. Don't be left
out. Fire off a trade proposal. Maybe a Ron Dayne straight up for
Marshall Faulk. Never know when the "Great Dane" is going
to break out.
This is Rock McDonald
signing off with the first of many Ithaca Mafia Fantasy Football Reports.
P.S. – I
think someone may still be on the clock.
ROCK
The Seuss,
the Seuss, the Seuss is on Fire. (by
GiMp, 7/26/02, 8:27pm)
Evenin'
gang!
'Tis
the Gimp - feeling the need to update the site again. Poop is in the
midst of madness with Mr. Ed. The season is off and running, so we are
never to see him again, with the exceptions of major holidays and next
June. But drop him a line and let him know how much you miss seeing
his beaming melon head. I think he would appreciate that…. He's
an absolute dream!
So,
let's see - what's the latest in a major chain of events? Well, for
those of you who missed the first one, we are fast approaching the second
coming of Red Menace! All the info is littered throughout this site,
so I'm not gonna bother repeating when all the details are listed below
and on the board. If you don't go this time… so help me I'm gonna
cram my fist in your stomach, just like Arnold. I am every other inch
a lady, ain't I?
Mothra
Stewart's Home Savvy" tip of the day:
Mothra says "Shaving cream gets the stains right out of your
carpet. It's a 'hood thing."
The
Wilson gathering was quite the success. Many long lost Ithacans showed
up to bid them Bon Voyage and Good Luck. Everyone from Fetterer to Jessie
Viola. Remember that sassy dame? They should be on their way to the
other coast tomorrie, so send them your good vibes. Cheers to the L'il
Rabbit!
Other
than that, the only thing I can remember was the group trip to Hurricane
Harbor. We showed that water park who's boss! If you haven't gone before,
we highly recommend it, particularly Discovery Bay. This ain't just
for kids. We spent about two hours spraying unsuspecting Jersey-ites
with Water guns that were roughly equivalent to uzis. This brought out
the the little Napoleon in all of us, especially DB who, like a true
conqueror, found power in the highest point of Discovery Bay. I felt
soooo bad for all the 12 year olds who tasted his wrath. (Among other
things... --Kluv)
So
that's all for now. But keep your eyes peeled in the next week or so
for a Bon Voyage Gimp gathering announcement. I just got a buzz from
the Seussical peeps and my first day has been pushed up. So I'll start
rehearsal on Aug. 13th. Only a couple more weeks! Eeek! So very excited.
Visit the message board and write me your own Seuss poem, if you feel
so inclined.
In
the words of God Izzard, "Le sange…es….disparute."
SUMMERTIME
ROLLS
Mi Familia:
there are many things going on to wrap up the summer festivities. We've
got chocks of events on the schedule, including the pals from Pineapple
Project, Nosedive Prods., and more. Plus, don't forget that ol' fringe
festival that so many of you love. Plus, word on the street is that
the 48 hour film fest is hitting the west coast, so you chillins' out
there should look it up and give it a go. We won. So can you. Anywho
- peep the events, and support, blah blah blah supportcakes. EVENTS
HO!
Keep an
eye on the Events
section. You'll find out where all sorts of cool parties, shows,
and trips to Hurricane Harbor are happening.
