Name: Soren, Sorel aka Round Nuts

Age: 24

Title: Sith Lord of Nut Sacks

Armor Class : AC 4 (-3 Full Body Hair Modifier))

Jedi Master: JJ Moon

Birthplace: Syracuse, NY

Sith Lord Round Nuts was born in the slums of Syracuse NY where he was trained at an early age to melt tricycles out from beneath cute little kids with his laser vision.  At the age of six he was deemed to dangerous to continue living and was sentenced to death by lethal beheading, when he escaped at the last possible moment to Ithaca NY.  It was there that he was raised on a strict diet of tree bark and frozen waffles.  He developed his Sith powers and bided his time. 

Round Nuts somehow managed to make his way through grade school, as well as middle school in Ithaca, without revealing his true nature.  If it weren't for Ithaca High School, Sith Lord Round Nuts could have been the all powerful dictator of the planet by now.  Instead he was subject to poorly funded driver's ed classes and mild celebrity gained from his show stopping performance in the school's staging of Norton's "The Golden Windshield."  Following this success, to avoid his fans, Round Nut's was forced into seclusion where he penned his first novel entitled "The Penises in Our Cake Hole."  Unfortunately the manuscript for the novel was blown, page by page, out the open window of his mountain cottage while Round Nuts was out.  The full novel was never recovered, but one of the lost pages somehow found it's way into the Ithaca College admissions office.  Judging from that single random page of his lost novel, Ithaca College officials instantly gave Sith Lord Round Nuts a full scholarship (either that, or his DAD worked there. --Kluv) and opened their arms and hearts to him. 

Round Nuts began Ithaca College as a Bachelor of Arts in Drama.  After discovering that his tremendous Sith powers were neutralized when in the same major as the powers of Jedi Kluv and other Jedi who walked those halls, Round Nuts reluctantly switched into a new line of study, that of Cinema and Photography. It was in the Park School that Rounders found his full strengths and began plotting his rise to power.  Round Nuts remained in the company of the "Jedi" and their cronies to observe their lifestyle and learn of their weaknesses.  He studied and bided his time until graduation, when his elaborate plans to kidnap Maya Angelou before the graduation ceremony and speak in her place was thwarted by a last intervention by Jedi Kluv.  After a light saber battle behind the graduation stage, Sith Lord Round Nuts stumbled off, wounded but alive.  Kluv went back to his seat and released his stupid balloon.

Round Nuts stayed in Ithaca to recover his strength, and to eat one more year at "Deeps."  He found himself soon working on a new novel, this one a prequel to the lost one, and even more laden with CGI sentences.  When he gained enough of his strength back, he moved to the mid west and established residence in Chicago where he lives to this day.  His strength is growing by the day and soon he will come out of hiding and wreak havoc once again.

The End

Darth Round Nuts (aka Billy Zwiebeck) can be seen in the major motion picture, DECEMBER, starring Will "Next Generation" Wheaton and that "Oil Kid" Balthazzzarr Getty.  Not only does he have a speaking role, and a glaringly big package in the film, but he receives royalty checks to this day.  

No Foolin'.